Dad jokes

Hi, Dad.

Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

Kid: It's not an Apple product.

Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

Dad: Johnny! Johnny!

Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Dad: Did you hit your brother?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Telling lies?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Let me see your fist.

Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!

Dad: What is so funny?

Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!

Dad: >:(

Little Johnny: What? It's true!

Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!

Dad: Love you too, son.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.

Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?

Treon: How did you find that?!

Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!

Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!

Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!

Treon: We can't!

Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

Why do orphans become bullies?

Because their mum and dad were never there for them.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

Why can’t the orphan tell on people?

Because they got no mom and dad! LOLLL

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.