Dad jokes
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
Was your dad a pilot? Because I rate you a 9/11.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Your mom and your dad.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.
Dad?