Cut jokes

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

Yo mama so fat that if we cut her open, we could stop world hunger.

If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

Paper.

Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.

There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"