Cut jokes

Did Jesus cut his nails?

No! His nails cut through him.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

What do you call emo girls?

Cutting boards.

What do Emos say to each other?

"I like your cuts, G."

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲

Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️

Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?

You cry when you cut an onion.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.

What do emos and ninjas both have in common? They both hide and cut things.

Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?

A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"

If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.