What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."
What is Sophia’s favourite song?
"Open Wide" cum inside, it is okay school.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs don’t cum.
Swallow cum, not gum.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic? Because dead babies make the best cum
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?
The British are cumming! The British are cumming!
