Cum jokes
What happened when you put your penis in? You start cumming!
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.
When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."
What is Sophia’s favourite song?
"Open Wide" cum inside, it is okay school.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs don’t cum.