Cum jokes
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs don’t cum.
Swallow cum, not gum.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best cum.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?
The British are cumming! The British are cumming!
I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD
PS free sex at my name
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!
A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"
Dad: "Because I’m gay."
*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*
Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"
Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."
The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."
Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"
Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"
Son: "But it was a nightmare..."
*Dad turns into a monster*
Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"
The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.
The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
Your face with my cum.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.