Culture jokes
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
Why can't Asians play cricket? They'll eat the bat.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.