Crime jokes
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Memes
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.