Crime jokes
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
Memes
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.