Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
