Crime jokes
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.