Crime jokes
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.