Crime jokes
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
Gun control...
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.