Crash jokes
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
"Can we do 69?"
"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
McDonald's has a drive through.
Twin Towers has a fly through.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.