Crash jokes
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
Is your home the Twin Towers? Because I'm tryna crash!
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
Oliver Tree just died in a helicopter crash?
He doesn't have to worry about that because, according to him, life goes onionionionionionionionionionion.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.