Construction Jokes

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

What is red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?

Home Depot.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

Some of you people on here are complete incels and need to learn how to spell and properly construct simplistic grammatical sentences that actually make sense.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something :D

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.

A burrito walked off a building.

What did the fish say when he got to the dam?

"Dam water."

"Dam!"

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

What did Connor Lys Clark say to Karl Kassulke? "I love bridges!"

What does a skeleton put on his roof?

Shin-gulls.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”