Comparison jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

AOT > ur fav anime.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

God made me pretty, what happened to you?

It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.

From the makers of Mangeone...

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.

What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?

One's a good year and one's a great year.

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

What’s the difference between God and Hitler?

God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.

You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.