Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.

Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What’s the difference between God and Hitler?

God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.

Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.

What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?

Presentation.

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

Your hairline looks like a brick wall.

Yo, your hairline look like a cup.

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.

Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.