Comparison jokes

What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?

A penis always goes in the hole.

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?

A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.

I got jealous when my phone died.

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

Your forehead is so big, I thought it was a brick wall.

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain Bolt finished the races.

Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?

One is beautiful.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?