Comparison jokes
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
what do baby’s and grenades have in common?
They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise