Comparison jokes
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Yo mama so fat, she made Fat Albert jealous!
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"