Comparison jokes

Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.

The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?

The pig smells better.

Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

Water was found on Mars.

Mars: 1 Africa: 0

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.