Comparison jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Why is Hitler better than Biden?

Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

What does a zebra and I have in common?

We both have stripes.

What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?

Answer: They both hang.

Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?

The pig smells better.

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.