Comparison jokes
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.