Comparison jokes
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt finished the races.
What does Biden do? He does you.
What does do something useful unlike you?
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.