Comparison jokes

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?

I've never seen the inside of a mansion.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

What's the difference between an apple and emos?

They both hang on trees.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?

The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.

Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?

Because 511472.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.