Comparison jokes

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.

What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?

One's a good year and one's a great year.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?

There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

Which is better looking, girls or women?

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.