Comparison jokes
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Memes
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One of them is wanted.