Comparison jokes
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
Memes
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!