Comparison jokes
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
Your forehead is so large, if I drew an H on it, maybe Kobe could've landed.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.