Comparison jokes
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.