Comparison jokes
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
What do emo kids and apples have in common?
They both hang off trees.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!