Comparison jokes
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Your hairline is so big, it was used as a highway.
What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.
Bro, your forehead so big Dakota's forehead seemed small.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.
What's the difference between limbs of babies and a dick?
I've never sucked on dicks.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.