Comparison jokes
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
Walking is just running with extra steps.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Nice belt!"