Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.
"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
Walking is just running with extra steps.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.