Company jokes
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
Memes
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Apple created the iPhone X for orphans because they don't have a home.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
My birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.