Company jokes

The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!

Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

Isn't there a software company named after your dick?

Microsoft?

What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?

The Home Depot.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.

CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.

Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:

Kleenex

Depends

Bicycle Helmet manufacturers

Velcro Shoe manufacturers

Steven Hawkings Publishers

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

Can anyone talk with me? Bored...

Why can’t orphans go to McDonald’s? It’s a family company.

T-Series.

Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.