Comedy

Comedy jokes

Song

    • Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

    My buddies think I'm on the lake.

    Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

    And mama's probably on her way

    'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

    I've been a million places,

    But they're all up in my head.

    Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

    I've been gone, I've been gone

    I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

    All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

    Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

    Sadder than a country song.

    Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

    Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

    Took a trip down memory lane.

    Checked into hotel heartbreak.

    Passed rock bottom on the way

    Without leaving my living room.

    I've been a million places

    But they're all up in my head.

    Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

    I've been gone, I've been gone

    I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

    All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

    Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

    Sadder than a country song.

    Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

    Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

    Yeah

    I've been gone.

    All the clothes are on the floor

    All the mail's by the door

    All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

    All the dishes in the sink

    All the gas is in the tank

    All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

    I've been gone, I've been gone

    I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

    All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

    Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

    Sadder than a country song.

    Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

    Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

    I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

    Gone

    Milk man

    • Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

    His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

    Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

  • 16

    • Drunk

    • A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

    He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

  • 6

    • Revolution

    • Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

  • 0

    • Zoo

    • I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

  • 3

    • Orphan

    • What do you call an orphan with parents?

    Idk, I never met one before.

    Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

    Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

    More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

    An orphan.

    Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

    Because they can’t find one.

    lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

  • 3