Comedy jokes
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.
Have you heard of deez nuts?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
I’m a short joke.
I’m only five feet tall 😞
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.