Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Comedy Jokes
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
Knock knock. Who's there? Stephen Hawking. Wheelie?
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.
I'm Pickle Rick!
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.
Wanna hear a joke...
I don't know, I'm too high.
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You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
