Comedy jokes

Josh: Tell me something funny.

Mark: My life.

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?

Because he had good taste.

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.

Haha

What's an edible part of a wheelchair?

A vegetable!

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?

Because there's too many ears.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.