Comedy jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
My dick.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
You never told me you were part orangutan. Have you considered taking a vacation to Planet of the Apes?
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.