Comedian jokes
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
Hi, I’m Joe.
Şehmus ne demiş? Ne bileyim, olm, ona sor.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
#RIPBOZO
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.