City jokes
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
Are you French? Because I Eiffel for you.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Why was Liverpool the worst bespoke? Rio supports it, hahah!
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.
What does Godzilla eat for dinner?
The dinner.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"