City jokes
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Memes
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?
Because then Cincinnati would want one too.
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?
The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.
What does Godzilla eat for dinner?
The dinner.
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?