City jokes
Why was Liverpool the worst bespoke? Rio supports it, hahah!
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Why do people hate jokes about the World Trade Center?
Because it's an easy target.
If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
Are you French? Because I Eiffel for you.