Church jokes
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.