Church jokes

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Why can't skeletons play church music?

Because they have no organs.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.