Church jokes

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.