Church jokes
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?
If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "dad."
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
I think that church is super burning 🥵.
I think that church is boring.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.