Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
