Christmas jokes
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.