Christmas jokes
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
This took a long time to make
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide