Christmas jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
It's that time is year again!
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.