Christmas jokes
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?