Christmas

Christmas Jokes

Holiday

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

Depression

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Santa

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

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  • Dad

    Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

    Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

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  • Santa

    Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

    Woman

    What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

    Emo

    What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?

    They are both going to be hanging from a tree.

    Sally

    Why did little sally fall off the swings?

    Because she had no arms.

    What did sally get for Christmas?

    Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.

    Jesus

    Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

    Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

    Present

    What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

    Michael Jackson

    What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

    They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

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  • Breath

    Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

    Note

    Note to self.

    When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

    Google "cream pie recipes".

    Wrist

    Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

    Joe Biden

    What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

    The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.