Christmas Jokes

Why do orphans love christmas

Cause they build a home

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals? Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them

One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. 'Why are you early, it is not even christmas?' - ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Lets worry about you instead' says Santa. What is the problem my friend?' - I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i'll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana

You mama so old. Her first christmas was the first christmas

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish." Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

This year I'm going to name my Christmas Tree , Amy Winehouse , because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe " " why?" "Because I want to hang"

How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man 👨 that is a minister and a christain nationalist with👱‍♂️ blond hair 😬 😳 in suspense wait until 🎄 🎅 🤶 christmas to take away ⛪ his church tax exempt status 📱 ☎️ or he will call 📞 🤔 🤷 🤣 the ACLU

What would a orhan ask for christmas ?

A someone

To start off this Christmas season imma make a list of what I want, then Ima make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations ima start with the first ornament and hang myself

Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like? A: “Wrap” music

Whats the similarity betweem christmas stuffing and my penis? I like them both inside dead animals. Because Alive animals feel top much like men.(and then I'd cum too quick)

Magician..." I am the greatest magician in the whole world... look now you see the rabbit in the hat and now it is gone!...Redneck girl..."That`s nothing my dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple hours!"...