Christmas jokes
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.