Christmas

Christmas Jokes

Orphan

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

Sack

What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?

They both empty their sacks around children.

Santa Claus

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

Santa

Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?

Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.

  • 1
  • Boy

    Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

    What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

    Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

    Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

    Day

    What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.

    Santa Claus

    Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

    He had no legs.

    Day

    On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

    12 tap ins

    11 pointless dribbles

    10 fixed league titles

    9 missed penalties

    8-2

    6 dives

    500 million robbed from Barca

    4 UCL semi losses

    3 times he blamed Higuain

    2 retirements

    And a transfer to a farmers league.

    Santa

    Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

    Kid

    Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?

    'Cause they're the ones making the toys.

    Yo mama

    Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

    Ass

    Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

    Cow

    What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?

    Moorry Christmas!

    (Even though cows can't really have religions.)