Christmas jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Memes
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.