Christmas jokes
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.