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Christmas

Christmas jokes

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

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    • I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

    You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

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    • So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

    To start, I'm a big fella in size.

    I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

    I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

    Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

    Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

    Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?

    In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂

    Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

    He has no legs...

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    • When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

    What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

    Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

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