Christmas jokes
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"