What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Telling jokes is snow problem.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
