Christmas jokes
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.