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whats the difference between a baby and an onion? i cry when i chop up an onion

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well he’s all right now!

What is the difference between a whore and an onion U don’t cry when you chop a whore

what do you call a pig that knows karate…


What do you call a pig who knows karate? A pork chop

What is a fat boy’s favorite karate move?

A pork chop

Why did the clown stop smiling? Someone chopped his lips off.

Men: get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich! Women: go chop some lumber! White people: get back into the cotton fields!

Are guys scared of the word Choppiness Because it is literally saying (chop-p....)

Whats the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion

Q:What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A:one doesn’t scream when u try to chop it up.

what do you call a pig do karate chop

Their was a enemy with a machine gun. My commander said “Un-arm the enemy”. So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Where do you take your pig to karate? The pork chop class!

What’s a tree’s least favorite TV show? Chopped!