Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions
Onions was such a good dog
People are like trees... They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe
i heard guns kill people, so i gave up my right to own one.
Then i heard dicks rape people, so i chopped it off.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
a lumberjack goes to a person ́s house then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
