Chop

Chop Jokes

Their was a enemy with a machine gun. My commander said "Un-arm the enemy". So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Lets say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world. Now, I get my head chopped of. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what its like to suck my own dick.

An alien walks in to a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him and the alien touches his shoulder. The man says do that one more time and I'll run you over. The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says do that again and I'll chop your dick off. He touches him again. The man pulls the aliens pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

In Africa a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty the kangaroo said that when they have no water they dig a hole and water comes out of it then the kangaroo digged and in 1 minute the koala said that is there any watering there now and the kangaroo said no and the koala had to wait for so many minutes and soon water came out of the the hole and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water and the kangaroo wanted water too so he tried to pull out the koala but instead his tail got chopped off and then they never became friends again

Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit Had a new mash, just landed Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it The verbal ting I can't stand it Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it Mad ting Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it Back on a Feltham landing You ain't been in the hood like Robin I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud) The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud) No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue thats dead