Choice jokes

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

On one hand I support it because it kills children.

On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

What do an abortion and a baby have in common?

The mom doesn't want either of them.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?

A bolder choice.

Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,

Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.