Children jokes
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.