What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
What does lmao mean?
Launch Missiles at orphanage.
