Children jokes

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

What do you call an orphan with a boner?

Porn.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn’t have a home page.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Buy KFC = 1 more orphan in our fryers.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.