Children jokes

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?

She was on fire.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

What do you call an orphan with a boner?

Porn.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn’t have a home page.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.