
Children jokes
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn’t have a home page.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
