Children jokes
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"