I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
What Animal has 5 Legs?
An Pitbull on an Children Playground
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag? One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common? Are you ready kids?
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
what's the difference between a seal and special kid?
they both go: uh! uh! uh! uh! uh! uh! uh! uh!
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
