Children jokes
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.