Children

Children Jokes

Orphanage

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

KFC

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

Motherhood

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

Kid

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Land Mine

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

Motherhood

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

Wife

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Donโ€™t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, arenโ€™t you pregnant?

Orphan

Why can't orphans walk through doors?

Because they don't have a house to walk into.

Orphan

Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.

Baby

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

Failure

My broโ€™s parents died, but he didnโ€™t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

Water Fight

The neighborโ€™s children challenged me to a water fight.

Iโ€™m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

Husband

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Orphan

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

Orphanage

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.