Children jokes

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

Which one gets bullied the most, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔🥺. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."